Greetings, ‘Bovers!
It’s late January, the time of year when your world is a chaotic blur of snow-blowers and lost mittens, while my world is a silent, icy gray cathedral. The bottom line is that this time of year I always find myself with time on my hands and thought I’d check in. Down here, I’m currently set to “Power Save Mode.” My heart beats about once a week (slight exaggeration, but you get it), my brain feels like a frozen marshmallow, and I’m mostly just drifting in a winter daydream about a particularly plump perch.
But don’t let the slow-mo fins fool you—my “radar” is always hummin’.
The “Thump” of a New Generation
You folks rely on your eyes for everything, which is nice, but down here in the “Neather,” sight is just a side quest. Yesterday, I felt a familiar vibration ripple through my Lateral Line. Think of it as a 360-degree motion sensor built into my skin.
For 25 years, I’ve felt the steady, “I-know-where-the-thick-ice-is” thud of the grandparents and parents who own the cabins nearby. But yesterday? The vibrations were different. They were lighter, more frantic—kind of like a caffeinated squirrel on ice. I drifted up and realized the grandkids have taken to the ice! Seeing a new generation learn the rhythms of the lake warms my old scales (and that’s hard to do in 39-degree water).
The Great Red Lure Hoax
One of the new young ones dropped a bright red jig right in front of my nose. Now, I love a good gift, but I have a secret: At 24 feet deep, red is a isn’t red. Water acts like a giant color-filter. As light travels down through the ice, red is the very first color to get “deleted” because it has the longest wavelength and lowest energy.
To my eyes, that fancy $8 red lure looks dull and muddy brown. If you really want to get my attention in this January gloom, try:
- Electric Blue
- Glow-Green
- UV Purple
These colors cut through the deep water like a neon sign at a 24-hour diner. They look like a delicious crappie; red just looks like a floating piece of wet cardboard.
Why the “Soup” Tastes Funny
Everything that happens on your shoreline eventually ends up in my living room. Our early January thaw sent a little trickle of meltwater down into the flats. It didn’t just bring water; it brought the “flavor” of the human world. A little road salt here, a hint of old fertilizer there… to me, it’s like someone dumped a gallon of vinegar and a handful of gravel into your favorite Sunday pot roast. It clogs my “nose” and makes it hard for me to track the largemouth bass I’m planning to prank later.
I’m 25 years old because I’ve got a sharp nose and a clean home. When you keep your shorelines natural—with tall grasses and bushes acting as a filter—you’re basically installing a high-end water purifier for my bedroom—and we all get to enjoy our homes that much more.
I’m heading back to the shadows now. I can feel the “thrum” of a snack vibrating about twenty yards away, and I’ve got a feeling it’s a blue one.
Keep the ceiling clean, stay safe on the “hard water,” and remember: I’m always tasting what you’re sending down! So, Mike Leis, we’ve seen the way you bait your hooks and appreciate all you do to keep those winter minnows coming.
Your friend and neighbor,
Musky Chuck
Beneather-in-Chief & Lateral-Line Expert